*YOU GOT MAIL!!!*
Dec 22, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sAyHoj-2wI

[Music]
Good Friday yes we are there the end of
the week you guys I just want to say
welcome to Friday and yeah we are
talking it is already six o'clock and I
have done
Sidda Zippo logging today you guys after
last night's vlog I just had a lot of
like things I needed to sift through and
you know like I explained to you guys
last night that you know December is a
very hard month for me you know come to
find out you know December is just a
really hard month for a lot of people
and that is just I am so saddened that
really I really was I don't know I guess
I didn't realize it that you know
December is a really hard month for many
so I just want to reach my hand out to
everybody and say I am sorry that I like
kind of dismissed everybody's pain that
they all go through and that it's not
just about me like it's obviously more
than just me that deals with these
things and people have went through
multiple miscarriages and sorry my it
was the most well-behaved children right
now um but anyways I just wanted to you
know put it out there that I am sorry
that there are so many people that are
struggling during this time like I am
and so today I just I did a lot of
YouTube watching
on just how to do you know how to do the
vinyl I did order some vinyl yeah so
that should be coming in they said the
23rd I want to see so fingers crossed
that it comes in because then that means
I can really start my projects um but
yeah I just I really just took a me time
today and so I really didn't get a vlog
in and I didn't I didn't go anywhere
today I stayed home all day and was Omar
and Ezra all day Jeremiah was in school
today was his last day now he's on for a
two-week break for the holidays so he
will be able to have some downtime which
will be nice for him and me and Ollie
got to do some major like cleaning of
communication if that makes any sense
probably not but you know sometimes as a
married couple you have to come together
and really do some soul talking you know
and getting on the same page and that's
what we did this afternoon and we ended
up talking for almost three hours you
know and making a game plan with our
family and with our home and with
everything that we are embracing as
businesses and and all of that to have a
successful marriage I think well I know
and I and I'm I've been taught you have
to be on the same page 100% because if
you're not marriages are not gonna work
it just it's not going to so you know I
think that with me and ollie we really
did some major you know cleaning of
communication and getting the same page
parenting wise marriage wise role wise
punishment wise just all in all for
everything so that we both feel like
we're in this game together and not one
or the other feels like they've got more
of the job than the other parent or
spouse or home
you know a household member and you know
I truly I love my husband with every
ounce of blood in my body I love him but
you know like all marriages I think you
all get on different sections of life
you know life becomes sometimes a juggle
you know and when you've got to couple
or like you when you have a couple that
are business owners both of you on
different businesses and you're trying
to manage a family and manage children
and manage a household and everything
that comes in between it's easy to
forget it's easy to forget sometimes the
importance of each other and so we did a
lot of you know just chatting and
talking and and really revising what we
want to do going forth with you know
this new year of were where our
resolutions are gonna go you know and
one of ours
is 100% making sure that we are putting
our marriage first before anything
because like I told him I said you know
I don't want to be one of those couples
that have multiple things around us that
keep us together but if you had all
those things disappear would we still be
standing firm or would we be slipping
away from each other and you know I
think he understood when I said that it
was like a very good visual sight and
unfortunately I think that happens to a
lot of people kids keep a family
together sometimes but once the kids are
gone you know you have a husband and
wife that look at each other that are
complete strangers and really don't even
know why they're still married because
there is no love there there's no I mean
there's an evolved love but there's no
in love and I don't want to ever have
that with my husband so checking in with
him and definitely getting on the same
page so I think one of the most
important things that you can do
especially when you're feeling kind of
when you kind of feel lost you know and
that's kind of where I've been lately is
just feeling a little lost feeling like
you know where is where is my
job in this household you know losing
weight and getting more active and
getting more to where I can start taking
care of the home more gives me the
ability to think that I know more about
where I belong in my roles you know but
also it's trying to figure everything
out and put everything in order where it
needs to be and so yeah that's a lot of
what I did today um so anyways I wanted
to also thank everybody for today for
all the understanding all the wonderful
messages that I received from everybody
it was so amazing to just get that
feeling you know support and love from
everybody you know I'm I apologized that
last night it was like I I named it and
titled it a very emotional vlog and it
really was you know like I was stating
last night you know December is a very
rough night for Earth December is a very
rough month for me for multiple multiple
reasons but as I'm going through my you
know my therapy and things like that I'm
learning tools you guys and I am like
I've said last night I am a work in
progress I'm not perfect and it's gonna
take time for me to learn the tools to
get through these hard times and not
allow it to show on my face or my body
or through my vlog so you know it's just
but I'm also a human I'm not a robot so
there's gonna be times that are harder
than others and unfortunately sometimes
you guys are gonna see those things and
there's nothing I can do about that
because that's just where I'm not in
life at that moment but I just want to
thank everybody for all your support and
I thought what would be kind of fun is
to read some of the comments I
personally you guys have not been on
YouTube at all today other than just
watching youtube videos I was on
watching like the flaw not vlog sorry I
was watching youtube videos about my
cricket and stuff
I'm just trying to figure out like how
to you know how did you like my vinyl
and stuff like that
because you know I do want to be a
hundred percent with my job when I do it
and so it's definitely something that I
am really working hard at learning all
the techniques and things so I don't
make messes while I'm doing this because
one vinyl is too expensive to practice
on it is very expensive but I am excited
to say that I ordered a big lump sum of
heat transfer vinyl and also permanent
vinyl so I'm really really excited to
say that I will finally be able to
really get some of my stuff together and
so I am just like ah I have my stuff see
right there it's it's getting closer and
closer but I haven't yet opened up the
boxes yet because I'm going to have
Ollie help me get the boxes open and
stuff but I will definitely be doing
that probably hopefully maybe tonight or
tomorrow I'm really excited to to
finally get my fingers in it and just
finally get them wet you know I'm just
like that doesn't sound good
I'm excited to get my fingers on this
machine and do some fun activities but
before I do anything I wanted to say
thank you to Lindsey and her family
I received my car today and yes it did
take a little bit longer I think than
normal but I think it's because of the
holiday that's what I'm thinking it's
what I'm gonna blame it on because it
did take longer than because you had
messaged me was like you should be
getting my card and I just got it today
so thank you so much you guys look at
this car - just so cute it has like a
little book it's like a 3d little fuzzy
nose
people like you make this season a
little nicer and thank you for being so
special Lindsey Lewis and family and she
also sent me a special little letter but
I'm gonna keep that part private but
it's just I love this hard thank you so
much
I so appreciate it I was so excited to
open it with the family which I did open
it I preview like opened it early
earlier because I you know was trying to
make sure that I kept the address
private so yeah I am so excited I think
you again so much and so I did receive a
card and I was so excited to open it I
love cards I love letters I love it all
I know you guys have a lot of you have
inquired about me getting APO box I have
yet to do that just yet it's been so
busy at the post office that's why I
haven't been able to get down there and
get that done the lines have been so
busy but I'm hoping at the beginning of
the year I'm thinking it will probably
be a little bit easier to be able to
actually be able to get into the post
office and not be like hanging out in
line for a good 45 to 50 minutes so I'm
hoping the beginning of the year will be
the best time to go down and do that but
it is something we are working towards
and getting because I know that there's
so many people that want to send us
cards and stuff and I'm so excited I
just want to see and the fun thing about
it is I've got a little baggie started
and I'm going to actually get a tote I
think from I want to say from Prai from
Dollar Tree one that has like a lid and
now way I can start putting all of my
cards together I'm gonna put this card
back in her envelope and it's gonna be
so exciting to just save all of my cards
that I receive from everybody in letters
it will be so exciting to just look back
over time in
and see the fun stuff so anyways I just
wanted to definitely say thank you so
much Lindsay and family I appreciate it
our family appreciates it and yeah so
anyways just remember I am working hard
on getting a peel box so that I can
start receiving a lot more cards and
stuff and letters I would just I was
loved I would just soak it up to see
different cards from all around the
world would be awesome
okay now moving on to some messages what
do you want hold on just a minute
okay so first message and I haven't read
any of these messages you guys I
apologize I have not read none of them
yet like I said I have not personally
been on my channel at all today just
been watching other YouTube videos about
the business and stuff but just kind of
took a break of messages and stuff and
told now so I'm going to answer them
here anyways chef wannabes life you can
only do be and live the best you can if
that is a problem for anyone perhaps
their path isn't one you should worry
about anymore
love you and I couldn't agree with you
more
in this sense that you're right you know
I can only be me and I do the best I can
I you know I love the life that I have I
am going through therapy to learn more
tools about how to cope with things when
they come up when they're not the best
feelings but like I've said a couple of
times I'm a work in progress
and I own Who I am I own my situations
and I you know I love everybody that is
in my life and I welcome anybody and
everybody into my life but always know
that you know I am a human and some days
are harder than others and some days you
guys are gonna see it I can't you know I
don't put a fake on I just I just don't
so shashi
love those cute little faces what a
blessing all three of your children are
too
EXO shush and I'm gonna read her second
part to this because there was another
comment to that people and their stupid
useless opinions hey me we all know you
are a loving caring mother who gives
your all to your children people that
talk nonsense can go kick rocks I so
understand your pain I lived it to being
abused as a child all we can do is have
a happy and fulfilled life as an adult
and be a better more involved person
than those horrible people that came
before us all my love EXO Shosh and
again I'm gonna agree 100%
trash I think that what you said is
exactly right you hit it right on the
nail I know that I am the best that I
can be and you know I don't pretend to
be somebody that I'm not
so yeah I just I am Who I am
all right um okay next one let's see
Ginny Ginny I am very miserable December
isn't good for me either but I but I put
a happy face on I did not want my
children to fill my sadness I wanted
them to enjoy the magic they are only
little once I wanted them to look back
and remember the great holidays I would
say things get better but I'm 45 and
still fight depression first and
foremost
Ginny I am really sorry that you mm
struggle just as much during December I
think that I you know have honestly
noticed that a lot with you know
comments that I've been receiving
through Facebook and other things too
that a lot of people honestly go through
a lot during you know holiday seasons
and for me you know I don't celebrate
Christmas but it still resembles still
things that were in the past as a child
that I am really working hard to
overcome
so when December comes around it will
just be another month
for me and it's not one of those months
that resemble pain or heartache or
anything like that beans that you know I
found out that I was pregnant and you
know in December and you know now was as
an adult that going down to being a
child things happened and you know and I
unfortunately I know things happen with
everybody throughout their years of
growing up on all different months but
December is just one of those months
that resemble a lot of heartache I would
have to say that March is probably one
of my hardest months too because that's
the month that I lost my son but again I
am learning tools to overcome the pain I
don't think you know sometimes people
say well you know you miscarried it's
time to move on and you know yes I did
miscarry but I don't ever have to move
on and nobody has to move on if they've
had a miscarriage a miscarriage is a
real thing you know when the day you
find out that you're pregnant or
expecting a baby I don't know who in
their right mind would not but your mind
starts going wild on you're already
making dreams for that baby that you
just found out you're carrying what are
they going to look like who are they
gonna be is it gonna be a boy is it
gonna be a girl what are the names that
maybe we're gonna come up with is it
gonna look like me is it gonna look like
daddy you know is it gonna be tall short
fat skinny you know what are they gonna
do when they get older what do I want to
do when you know they're proceeding into
college am I gonna pay for college are
they gonna get financial aid you know I
mean it's just common things that people
think about but once that is ripped away
from you out of nowhere
all those thoughts dreams hopes and
everything that was there once has to
die with it and that's not easy to let
go and losing a child or losing anybody
in that manner you never forget that you
never ever ever forget them I will never
forget holding my baby and kissing his
little face but those days do get easier
to come by but there are still times of
the year that it comes back a little bit
stronger and
kind of where I'm at right now and again
I'm human and that's just part of life
let's see okay
it is well within my soul says I don't
mean to be a debbie downer but Etsy will
shut down your shop if you list stock
photos or mock-up photos really I would
not even list items with Etsy until
you're comfortable enough with making
the items and then take pictures of your
own like I said before it really takes
months to be able to learn all about
vinyl and also Cricut design space I do
understand you pick up on things easily
so do i but I'm being real here please
understand that your items will not look
the same as stock pictures customers are
going to expect that so sorry about your
sadness this month thank you so much for
all of that information I was not aware
of it and you know I will just have to
see what happens I mean I already opened
my shop so I can't just go on through
and shut it down if they want to shut it
down then that's their choice but I
haven't heard anything I haven't gotten
a message or anything saying that
they're going to um and I think you know
I honestly think that a lot of times
every item that you're gonna make is
always gonna look different from the
first one to the second one to the third
to the fourth to the hundredth no item
is gonna be look the exact same because
every item is being handmade each time
so one might be a little bit different
in any reaction but so I hope that
everybody understands that things aren't
gonna come out exact to the you know to
the exact sex act because it's not I'm
not copying up something it's these
things are coming as I'm making them but
I totally get what you're saying about
that and I really appreciate that
information and I will look more into
that and make sure that what I did was
okay and I can even probably contact
Etsy and see if they're okay with what I
did just because I know that there's not
I don't
think yeah I mean I just I'll contact
them and see what I can come up with
because I would imagine that there's got
to be a way that we can work around that
but then again I don't know I guess
we'll have to find out
[Music]
Tony arose I am so sorry that you've
been down here lately your family and
your subscribers will be the sunshine
after the storm rolls by sending you
extra hugs love and prayer for you and
your family Tony oh thank you so much I
truly appreciate that and you are a
hundred percent correct I know that you
guys my husband my family they all all
of you guys have my back and I couldn't
be more thankful for that and so I have
to say that I agree with you and I
appreciate you taking your time to show
your support and encouragement because
it means a lot especially during this
time katelyn see honestly lately you've
seemed sad and kinda whoaa is me a lot
of people have been through bad things
in their childhood it's best to not
dwell on these on things you can't
control and regarding someone saying
something that hurt your feelings that's
life tell them to shut up everyone has
bad things in their lives most women
have experienced miscarriages I've had
to myself I wish you the best
Caitlyn thank you very very much for
taking your time to write me and I
appreciate all of that and yeah you know
what honestly lately I have seemed sad
and I'm not really sure what Lola is me
means I will have to look that up I
don't know what that really is supposed
to mean but if I understand it right I'm
not trying to make it all about me if
that's what it is and I hope that maybe
I'm misunderstanding it I I don't know
but I definitely would never want to
make something seem just like it's about
me and only me and then I'm the only one
that has ever gone through heartaches or
miscarriages or anything in that manner
I would never want somebody to feel like
I am only making it about myself but
you're right I have seemed a lot saturd
lately and I think that because there's
been so much in my life going on
I have been going through some major
major emotional things that I've had to
deal with from childhood on up to an
adulthood and you know it is so easy to
[Music]
not dwell on them but sometimes it's
really hard when a lot of those things
are things that are popping up now as
adults it's hard to not dwell on them
because now I've given myself I've given
myself the right to dwell on them a
little bit to be able to focus on them
and get over them because I don't want
to be stuck in this position but kind of
you know kind of as as an adult you know
sometimes things come up behind you that
you were least expecting and that's kind
of what happened you know lately and
that's kind of where I've been with my
but that's why I've been going through
such intense therapy is because I really
am trying to get over these things and
not get over them to the point like oh
okay
I've dealt with it I'm over it now and
it's not gonna bother me no more I know
that it could probably still bother me
but at least I'm to get to the point
where I have the tools to as they come
up be able to pull out my toolbox and be
like okay you know what this is not
gonna get me down because I have this
tool and it's gonna work with me and
that's what I'm learning right now and I
I apologized Kaitlyn so much and I hope
that you know what that I'm not a debbie
downer to you during the daytime when
you're watching my vlogs because they
don't want anybody to feel like I'm a
debbie downer
you know I normally do live a very
happy-go-lucky life but sometimes life
is harder than others and right now I've
just been kind of going through it you
know closing a chapter of you know a
book in my life where I had to close my
93 year old grandma out of my life
was really hard for me but I know I had
to do that in order to be able to move
on and continue to heal and that's kind
of with everything else you know
sometimes taking big leaps are sometimes
painful
but then when you finally taken those
leaps you can just stay on there for a
little bit and feel like you're at peace
and I'm hoping to get to that place very
soon and I don't want to be a you're all
the time of course not so again I
apologize if I've really brought you
down watching my vlogs I apologize and I
really hope that you just understand
kind of where I've been I reach my hand
out to you and apologize for your
miscarriages that you've suffered and
it's never fair for any woman to lose a
baby and I understand 100% that there's
so many more women out there that have
suffered miscarriages and there is not
one miscarriage that's better than the
other more painful than another
everybody's stories are different some
people deal with them differently some
people can heal over them a little bit
quicker than others some people never
get over them and I believe that I've
come a long way from when I very first
lost my son from crying every single day
and never wanting to leave my room - you
know flourish out and finally started
experiencing life and being the mother
to my son that I needed to be - having
two more beautiful babies on top of that
that was so fearful you know I was so
scared to even proceed to try and get
pregnant because I could not imagine
going through a loss again but I did get
pregnant and I had two beautiful more
babies out of that and so you know I
just want to say that I'm so sorry that
you have suffered miscarriages as well
and you know I my heart goes out to you
because I know that it is painful no
matter what I know that they're painful
[Music]
okay one more okay girl I'm coming in
but not done watching again laugh out
loud you are okay biker babe oh snap and
right into it so this one comes from
biker babe okay girl I'm comin team but
not done watching again laugh aloud you
are having seasonal depression you are
actually wrong when you say December is
a good time for most people quite the
contrary let me tell you why December
sucks for me my mom's birthday is the
fifth my old man's is the 15th well I
lost my first granddaughter the 15th so
we don't even do his bday his birthday
anymore and I have a baby in a urn to
look at every single day my mom died the
18th
yep seven days before Christmas so see
you're not alone it's not just you okay
I do know exactly how you are feeling
and stop saying sorry you are a real
friend to me to many on here
so when you need to vent we are here for
you big hugs and then she so now I'm
gonna read the second part of her
comment from biker babe okay honey
here's part two of my comment you could
have put a Z at the ends to still say
designs that's a good point
darn it and you have to stop running in
your shell and no food because and use
food because you are upset I have
honestly never understood why people do
that it only makes matters worse now you
will be upset gained weight and have no
one to talk to because you are hiding
and have a face full of zits from
chocolate oh wow I'm trying to make it
light-hearted but you know what I am
saying girl I also know that you are
still working in the progress but maybe
seeing people tell you what you already
know will help plant it in your brain
whenever someone says something you take
offensively or hurts then you need to
ask them or tell them about it but don't
hold it in because it'll just eat you
until it resolved now I hope today is
going better for you do not I repeat do
not let any comments
this video get you upset big hugs and
squeezes so for part one let me go down
I am so extremely sorry for everything
that you've endured also through the
month of December and like I had said in
previous moments you are 100% right I
have now learned December is not a good
month for a lot of people and I thought
that I was alone I thought that December
was just a really bad month for me I
knew in my heart that there were other
peoples that suffer you know but it's
hard to see outside your own bubble when
you're in so much pain yourself and so
knowing that others struggle and hurt
through the month of December not that I
would want them to but it helps to know
that I'm not alone and that it doesn't
mean that I'm a bad person because I'm
not happy during December I apologize oh
I am sorry for the losses that you also
have endured during this month that you
know losing family and losing friends
and losing a baby is never easy and I am
so sorry that you have endured that and
I will say I'm sorry because I am for
part two you are again correct I do that
a lot when I get hurt I go into my shell
and then I just use food for my comfort
because it's what I've always done I've
used that to numb out I would use food
rather than a drug or an alcohol or
something in that manner like I was
singing last night but you're so right I
need to stop turning to the food and
turn to the person that said it to me
that hurt me rather than you know punish
myself even more by hurting myself by
overeating and stuffing myself and with
the whole putting the Z at the end of
designs that is such a good idea I don't
know if I can change it but if I can
girl I think I'm gonna try it because
that is a really good idea anyways I am
going to close here you guys is my
dinnertime
my honey keeps walking back and forth
cuz he's hungry and wants to eat and so
am I so I am going to close my vlog here
I apologize you guys it was
a very long blog but I hope you guys
understand where I've been what I've
been going through and just understand
that there's a rainbow at the end of all
of this and I'm I'm reaching for it I
want to see it I want to fill it and I
definitely want to change my channel
around and get some more excitement and
on all of this anyways I hope you guys
had a wonderful Friday and a great start
to your weekend
I will check in with you guys tomorrow
for sure I think I've got some plans
ahead of me so with that all said take
care you guys sweet dreams
hi
